


Facing Consequences (OLD)

by Hallyeet



Category: Rise of the TMNT - Fandom, Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Depression, Family Angst, Family Feels, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Runaway Leo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:34:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25816624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hallyeet/pseuds/Hallyeet
Summary: We have the leader. Fearless, and ever the good heart running around and helping the citizens of New York.We have the brainiac. Smarter than all the world's scientists combined and always never ceasing to amaze.We have the sunshine. Bright and bouncing, cheering on those around him, and brightening up everyone's day....And who was the last one? Leo himself didn't even know. Who was he to the team? The question plagued him until he couldn't even think straight anymore. When a heated argument causes him to flee his home, he finds solace with a friend in the Hidden City.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & April O'Neil & Raphael (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael & Splinter (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Comments: 87
Kudos: 293





	1. Prologue: Fatigue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my coping fic for Rise's potential ending. Leo's my favorite and by the far the one I can sympathize with the most. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my coping fic for Rise's potential ending. Leo's my favorite and by the far the one I can sympathize with the most. Enjoy!

_“You remember Lou Jitsu way back when at the Battle Nexus?”_

_An ear twitched at the name, listening more intently now._

_“I heard those turtles are made of his DNA.”_

_They had heard enough. With a swish of their cloak, they disappeared from the plaza._

_“Turtles, huh?” A smile grew on their face, menacing and vile. “Perfect.”_

~

Colors merged, creating a confusing blur as the skateboard zoomed down the ramp. Balancing expertly, Leo shifted his weight as it began its ascent back up the other side. He’d done this a million times, maybe even more and it invoked the same giddy feeling his stomach each time. As the board slipped past the stone, launching into midair, Leo grasped it with one hand and pulled it to his feet while the other reached to balance on the edge. He stayed there for a split second, breathing out before allowing his form to tip over and easily regain his stance upon the skateboard as it began descending once more. 

Well...despite being able to indulge himself in the action of skateboarding, he severely wished he showed up for patrol now. All of his brothers were out and his father was dead asleep on his chair. Typical. He sighed heavily, landing up on the other side and halting his activity. Guilt balled up in his chest thinking of Raph’s inevitable disappointed older brother glare, Donnie’s scrutinizing gaze and Mikey’s helpless but sympathetic expression. It wasn’t that Leo hadn’t wanted to, but rather he just couldn’t make himself go out. 

“Leo, it’s time to go,” Raph’s voice followed the swish of the curtain that covered the opening of his room. Leo heard his brother’s words but didn’t register them, lying beneath the mountain of blankets on his bed. _Come on. Get up._ “Leo,” the alligator snapping turtle’s tone grew sterner. _You have to go._ “You haven’t been on a mission in how long?” _You’re getting rusty._ “Leo, I’m serious.” _Your skills with that ōdachi_ _of yours won’t get better just lying around._ “Last call before I leave you here.” _Don’t leave me._ “Fine. So be it.” The curtain was roughly pulled back, Raph’s heavy steps fading as he quickly strode away. There was some muffled conversation and then empty silence. Leo suddenly choked, feeling his body jerk as those stupid hot tears began burning at his eyelids.

_What would I be good for anyway?_

Leo was yanked out of his deep thoughts, hearing his brothers enthusiastically talking about their night out as they were coming back into the lair. He rushed to collect his skateboard, stealthily making his way back to his room as his heart pounded. “Too bad Leo wasn’t there to see me totally roast them with my-” “Donnie. Just call it a flamethrower already.” The red-eared slider cringed. Of course, he missed out on seeing his twin’s new bo function. As if he didn’t feel bad already. He made it to his room, quietly slipping in and falling back onto his bed. Wrapping himself up in the blankets, he closed his eyes and relished in the fuzzy warmth. Safe at last and as if he never left. He just about dozed off when heavy thuds took his attention. “Leo? You awake?” He didn’t answer. Raph sighed, retreating without saying anything else. What had he wanted to say? Perhaps Leo would never know.

Later in the night, the sounds of his brothers being awake halted outside the confines of his room and Leo let out a small huff of breath. Rolling from the safety of his bed, the warmth left him as he strolled over to the desk Donnie had built him and clicked the small light on. Opening one of the drawers, he dug through the pile of stuff he dumped in there to cover one of his most prized possessions: his journal. It was sturdily leatherbound, colored a blue that was ironically near the shade of his mask. It was slightly lighter though. 

He had found it when they were out one night, his brothers looming ahead while he stayed back a little to take in the sights of the city when something caught his eye. A flash of blue left forgotten among other things that seemed to be part of an abandoned yard sale. Sparing a glance at his siblings who were too occupied to notice his unusual behavior, he swooped down and snatched the book up before running to catch up with his brothers.

He opened the book to find his handwriting page to page. Thoughts, feelings, stories, everything he had questions about. He poured his heart and soul into this journal, something he never would have expected to enjoy. Finding the empty page next to the entry he had last logged in the previous night, he picked up one of his black ballpoint pens, clicked it, took a deep breath, and began writing.

_June 17th_

_The feeling hasn’t gotten any better, preventing me from going out again. I’m surprised my brothers haven’t noticed yet or maybe they have and they just don’t care. Looking at it, that’s probably it. My skill with my_ _ōdachi_ _has not improved. In fact, I think it’s gotten worse. I want to go with my brothers, I really really do. But something anchors me to my bed every time I get called. The feeling of everything just leaving my body and instead opting to wait for the others to just give up on me already grows heavier and heavier with each passing day. I don’t even get to fight back and that’s not fair. Donnie installed a flamethrower into his tech bo. I wanted to see how it looked._

_Leonardo_

Leaning back, he looked at his handiwork. Another day, another page filled out. Who knows? Maybe he’ll toss it in the sewer in a plastic bag in hopes somebody will find it and publish it. Who would believe he was a mutant turtle if they never actually saw him? Closing the cover and pulling the elastic strip over it to seal it, he tucked it safely back into his drawer and yawned. He turned off his desk light, stumbling over back to bed and fell back into the older familiar warmth. 

Tomorrow was a new day and he could always try again.


	2. Broken Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come on, Leo! Get us out of here!” Raph’s voice was desperate, straining with the task of trying to stop the walls closing around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we begin to delve into Leo's problem and his struggle to understand it. Enjoy!

_“Come on, Leo! Get us out of here!” Raph’s voice was desperate, straining with the task of trying to stop the walls closing around them. The red-eared slider’s grip on the hilt of his ōdachi tightened, unsteady in his sweaty palms as a result of the blazing inferno surrounding the group and the dreadful knot of anxiety balling up in the pit of his stomach. He sliced upward, willing himself to make a portal, but nothing happened. Panic grew tighter and tighter in his chest as he helplessly looked toward his brothers with anguish. Why did he get them into this situation? Why did he have to make that decision impulse? Worse, why in the world did he ever involve his brothers with this stupid task?_

_He knew exactly why._

_He wanted them to see he wasn’t weak. That he wasn’t dead weight. But, look at where they were now, stuck in the middle of a mystic maze, concrete walls about to crush them into a fine powder or have their very flesh melted off by the ever-growing blaze._

_“Leonardo!”_

_“Nardo!”_

_“Leo!”_

_He tried again over and over, but no electricity sparked a miraculous exit that would sweep them away to home. His eyes flicked from one brother to the next, all staring anxiously at his useless attempts. No, this couldn’t be the end! He thought of his father, who thought they were all safe and sound eating away at a pizza to cure their munchies. He was a fool. A joke. He tried again, feeling himself shudder with fear as another failure ensued. If he could just get a portal big enough to fit Raph in and stall for time, he could get them to safety. His brothers’ shouts and pleas made his head whirl with a dizzying headache. He needed to focus!_

_Steeling himself once more, he pulled the urgency of the situation to the front of his mind. Those walls were beginning to push the boys closer and closer together, time slipping away like sand within an hourglass. The heat was stepping up its game all the while, making Leo wonder briefly why they weren’t just drowning in their sweat at this point._

_His brothers…_

_He just needed to get them out. He didn’t matter at this point. He envisioned them all happy without him in the future and maybe they would grieve at first, but they’d recover. They had to. He raised his ōdachi above his head, took a deep breath, and slammed it down. A crackle of electricity rang out, the blue gateway opening up with a sharp zap. The inside swirled white as if it were a portal up to Heaven itself, shining welcomingly as if congratulating him for not screwing up this time._

_Raph shoved past him, followed by Donnie then Mikey. None of them even looked back to make sure he was following. Either because they trusted he would follow suit or they were only focused on getting themselves out, Leo didn’t know. He couldn’t keep it open for very long. It was already shrinking rapidly as Mikey dove through, barely small enough to fit through. Leo raced after them, reaching out. “Wait!” he wanted to yell, but all words escaped him as the portal continued to shrink, first down to the size of a basketball getting smaller and smaller until it was the size of a peanut. With the last hurrah, the portal disappeared with a barely audible whisper. Leo’s hand lay outstretched in midair to where it had just been, his sword clattering down at his feet. His body jolted as a sob choked its way out of him. He tried to remain positive. Tried to remind himself that his brothers were alive and could continue to be because he finally managed to pull through. However, he fell against the slowly moving wall, slumping down to curl up at the base. He sniffled loudly, the hot salty tears beginning to collect underneath the eyeholes of his mask. The once electric blue darkened as it collected moisture as Leo began to full-on cry like a small turtle tot._

_His body convulsed as sobs shuddered through him one by one. Despair slammed into him over and over, every wave worse than the last. He felt the flames begin to reach his skin, the heat almost unbearable as it reached out to brush against him like a feathery kiss. At the same time, he could feel the wall begin to press on his front and backside now, forcing him to curl up even more. He was guaranteed to die now and with that thought, he tried to utter out his last words. Maybe something cool like “For my brothers!” or “I may die physically but my spirit will live on!” Instead, he only managed to wheeze out two words, pathetic and almost unhearable even in his ears._

_“...I’m sorry.”_

The first thing Leo did was shove all his blankets off him, the heat disappearing to allow the cool air to run over his sweating body. His heart thrummed in his chest in rhythmic beats, faster than usual as he struggled to catch his breath. For the moment, he was paralyzed, staring up at the dark ceiling of his room. Once he gained his bearings, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, held it, then let it out. He noticed that tears had dried on his cheeks, causing a slight itching irritation to erupt across the surface of his skin. He wiped them off, the memories of the nightmare running into his brain all at once. They had been stuck in that stupid minotaur maze months ago and he had gotten them out all out safe and sound. Everything was fine. He was here. He was alive and was not being crushed and roasted alive simultaneously. The thought made him feel slightly better.

Leo tilted his head to glance at the clock on his nightstand, reading it to be 2:37 in the wee hours of the morning. His throat was dry, burning as a result of being parched. Logically, he heaved himself up to go get a drink. The lair was dark, though it only took a bit of blinking for him to adjust. Making his way through the main room, he easily found the room they kept for the kitchen. Digging into the cupboard, he pulled down one of the glass cups and set it down on the table with a soft clink. Switching on the water filter that was installed on the sink’s faucet (Donnie refused to drink anything that wasn’t decently clean), he turned the handle for cold water and waited for it to chill. A few seconds later and his cup was filled. Shutting everything off, he leaned against the counter and began drinking.

The water soothed his throat and quenched the dull burning and he could finally relax for once. He’d been so stressed over the last few days that he forgot what it was like to enjoy the simple things in life. Something so simple like drinking a glass of water.

“Nardo?”

His heart thudded hard as if it suddenly tried to kick out of his chest. The glass slipped through his fingers, and Leo could only watch as it shattered across the concrete floor. Neither of them spoke, the silence hanging heavy in the air as the tension suddenly spiked. 

~

Donnie perked an eyebrow at the shards, now dangerously scattered around their bare feet. One wrong misstep and they’d slice skin right into ribbons. He silently questioned why his brother was awake at this hour and thought of how lucky it was that the rest of the family were heavy sleepers. Pulling up his wrist tech, he navigated around a few settings before finding what he was looking for. 

The cleaning bot he’d built ages ago came flying silently from his lab, using its sweeping and dustpan function to safely pick up the now useless debris and was soon flying off to dispense it somewhere safe. The softshell once again looked to where Leo was blankly staring at where the ruins of his drink used to be. He opened his mouth to speak when the bot came back, this time wielding a mop and began soaking up the remaining water on the floor. Once it disappeared again, this time for good, Donnie reached out for his brother. “Leo I-” 

“I’m fine, Dee.”

He reeled back, watching the red-eared slider’s features shift into the confident and easy-going gaze he knew far too well. It was almost...disturbing how his emotionless eyes fabricated into the expression he wore now. Concern along with suspicion bloomed in Donnie’s chest as he scrutinized the turtle before him. “I just got a little thirsty and happened to have a case of the butterfingers, you know?” Leo’s lips pulled into a sassy smirk as he waggled his fingers around comically. Donnie opened his mouth, then closed it. For once, he didn’t know what to say. Any question he would have shot at his brother, Leo would immediately have an equally witty rebuttal. He could only watch as Leo made his way out, patting the softshell’s shoulder good-naturedly as he passed by, and disappeared out of the kitchen. Donnie sighed, pinching the bridge of his snout and massaging it slightly. 

He reached up, opened the cupboard, and retrieved a glass.

~

Leo wanted to scream. 

Flopping down on his bed, he swallowed tightly and squeezed his eyes shut. _Way to lose your cool there, Leon. How about you go join the circus next?_ The tears pressed against his eyelids, a river trying to overcome the dam. He didn’t let them, pushing it all back until he could finally breathe regularly. He knew what he had to do. 

Leo heard the sounds of breakfast being made in the kitchen. Pots and pans clattered together as Mikey set himself to work. Sure, pizza was great and all, but with the combined forces of Donnie’s logic and Raph’s big brother concern, they set themselves up on a healthy diet. Luckily, the youngest box shell was excited to start trying out cooking with other ingredients. Leo slowly made his way into the room, seeing the rest of his siblings surrounding their makeshift kitchen island as the mouthwatering smell of eggs, bacon, and grits wafted through the air. Mikey noticed him first, chirping out a cheerful hello and motioning to where the kettle was boiling on one of the stove’s burners.

Ever since he sipped some of Splinter’s tea when he was a young boy, he’d been obsessed with the stuff. Granted, he used his own kettle since one, Splinter strictly forbade anyone from using his precious Skully, and two, Leo wasn’t too keen on having his tea taste partially of a Jupiter Jim action figure. He strolled over to the cupboard that held his and his father’s wide variety of teas, opening the door and skimming over his many options. Selecting a packet of mint tea, he shut the door with a soft thud and went about making his beverage.

As he was pouring the boiling water into his mug, he silently thanked his younger brother in his mind. Every morning, he would always have the kettle whistling at just the right moment. When Leo had asked about it one day, his face had brightened up and had bubbly answered, “I know how much you love the stuff, and if I can do something to help, then I’m more than happy to.” 

Setting the teabag in, he watched it sink and displace the water. Once he was sure it wouldn’t overflow, he brought it over to the counter where Donnie and Raph were leaning against. Donnie was scrolling through something on his tablet, though he glanced up when Leo took a place beside him. “Morning, Leo,” he mumbled out, reaching to the side and drinking from his own purple mug. However, he had filled his with coffee, and Leo briefly wondered how many shots of espresso were in this one. As we waited patiently for his tea to steep, he caught Raph staring at him, a frown creasing his features.

Leo felt a familiar ball of guilt begin to tangle in the pit of his stomach once more. “Uh...Good morning, Raph?” he tried, though he wanted to shrink into his shell as his older brother’s glare darkened. “Morning, _Leo,_ ” his name was spat out like a bad taste in the mouth. “You uh...seem kinda on edge there, bud,” he commented. However, that seemed to be the wrong move as Raph's fist slammed down onto the counter. Luckily, Donnie had made the island out of titanium. None of his brothers knew where he got the stuff and why it was a reliable source evidently, but most of the time were too afraid to ask once his face curled into his dark and evil ‘I’m-going-to-take-over-the-world-and-there’s-nothing-you-can-do-to-stop-me’ expression. 

Leo jumped, a shudder of fear rippling through his body much like the tea in his cup rippled from the impact the counter took. Raph continued. “We would’ve really appreciated your help last night,” his tone was sharp and demanding. It was the voice of a leader and a big brother rolled into one deadly weapon. _“What were you doing?”_ Leo bit the inside of his cheek harshly to prevent himself from spitting out the truth. He _wanted_ to tell his brothers about his internal conflict, however...Wouldn’t that just make it more trouble than it was worth? They had more important things to worry about. He cringed before Raph’s anger, tearing his eyes away to avoid eye contact and mumbled out, “Went to bed early.” The snapping turtle bristled, clearly not satisfied with Leo’s answer. However, Mikey, God bless the angel, broke into the conversation by announcing that breakfast was ready. Raph backed down for now, though Leo could sense that it wasn’t the end of the conversation. 

That morning was tense as they all ate, Raph’s glare never fully going away as he occasionally shot dirty looks at Leo who tried to block it out. It was...irritating. Of course, he was in no position to tell his big brother and leader that, but he also had a right to his comfort. Didn’t he? The conflicting sides ate away at him, only making him more frustrated as the time ticked on. The scraping of forks against plates started ceasing as they finished up their meal, the tension only thick enough to cut through with a knife. Leo finally finished, righting himself up to wash his plate. He picked up his tea mug first, drinking what he could a little more. 

The minty freshness calmed him slightly as if dousing the burning annoyance that ran through his veins. Raph still refused to let up, his glare still cutting into Leo as he watched his younger brother’s actions. Leo was about to walk over to the sink when finally the red-banded turtle sighed and spoke again. “Leo-” 

Leo’s head suddenly ached as anger flared inside him as if it were a match held to a trail of gasoline. His body moved before his thoughts could, his arm whipping out sharply as his mug flew out of his grasp. Raph barely managed to dodge the projectile flying at his head at an alarming speed, nearly falling on the ground as a sickening crash sounded on the wall behind him. There were a few clinks as parts of the now broken cup slid off the counter and onto the ground. 

Leo’s heart hammered against his chest, breathing heavily as he was now wide awake. Realization dawned on him, the consequences of what could have happened beginning to flood his mind. He glanced at the three sets of eyes watching him, fear beginning to clog his muscles. His gaze lingered on Donnie, who had now witnessed him breaking two cups under twelve hours. He flashed a warning look towards his twin, begging him to not say a word. Mikey’s voice rang through the air, shattering the silence. “Leo?” Afraid. Questioning. Concerned. All of it and more being held in the box shell’s tone as he softly called for his older brother.

Leo ran.

He flew from the kitchen, ignoring the desperate pleas of his brothers. He yearned for somewhere safe. Somewhere nobody could bother him. Somewhere to belong. This only brought him to his bedroom. The self-built prison he called his happy place. He crumbled down, childishly dragging himself underneath his desk and squeezing himself into the small and dark space. He stared at his hands, wondering what drove him to almost sincerely hurting his brother. He didn’t mean it. He didn’t know what had caused him to lash out and he certainly was unaware of how fast the thing would go flying. He shook, letting his hands fall to the ground as he let the tears run like a silent waterfall. He vowed he wouldn’t cry like a child again.

And he failed.

Minutes later, silent footfalls alerted his attention, though he couldn’t stop the tears from dripping down his face. As long as they were there, he was reminded of what he had done and what he almost did. The chair in front of his desk was gently moved aside and he caught sight of Mikey’s knee pads, the goofy faces standing out against the orange. “Leo…” He nearly shrouded away as Mikey reached out for him, though he stood strong. The feeling of his little brother’s hand gently settling on his arm caused the emotions to come gushing back in like a tidal wave. 

“I didn’t mean to,” Leo choked out amid the tears that were suddenly falling faster than before, “I-I didn’t...me-mean to al...most hurt hi...m…” His sobs broke apart his phrasing as he fell apart in front of Mikey who crawled underneath the desk next to his brother and rested his head against Leo’s shoulder. “It’s alright, Leo,” he tried, “Nobody blames you. Raph’s even waiting to apologize to you...You know how grumpy he can be in the morning.” “Raph has nothing to apologize for!” Leo exclaimed in disbelief, working at eviscerating the tears that were beginning to let up their assault.

“He has every right to be mad at me…”

Mikey frowned, hating to see his brother so upset. So instead, he palmed at the red-eared slider’s clenched fist until it unfurled, allowing him to grab hold of it tightly. 

And they stayed there together as Leo mourned over what could have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like a little behind the scenes action, listen to "I'm a Mess" by Bebe Rexha as it was the song listened to for the majority of this chapter.


	3. Fake It 'Til You Make It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have a few theories.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Distracted, Leo begins to mess up more and more due to his inability to think straight.

Raph’s head lied in the palms of his hands, thinking over what had occurred that morning as guilt washed over him again and again. On one hand, he was grateful his reflexes were fast enough, but on the other…

He had no excuse to pressure Leo so harshly while he knew that his actions were obviously making his brother uncomfortable. In hindsight, he deserved to be hurt. He deserved having that stupid cup shatter on his head rather than the concrete wall behind him. Raph groaned again, ignoring the pity looks from Donnie beside him. After Leo had fled, they all seemed to have the same reflex to call out to him, overlapping voices all saying his name desperately as they tried to halt their brother’s escape. They stared bewildered as he was there and then was suddenly gone as if he had teleported away. All was still as if nobody dared to even breathe. Raph moved first, making his way out of the kitchen silently, and Mikey and Donnie followed suit into the main room pondering over their next move.

“I’m gonna go talk to him,” Mikey declared finally, breaking the silence. “Are you sure, Mikey?” Raph asked unsteadily, “Shouldn’t I be the one to go so I can apologize?” The box shell shook his head, a frown tugging down his mouth. “You might overwhelm him. Clearly, he didn’t mean to throw his cup at you, and if he has to confront you so soon, it might actually make the situation worse.” Raph mulled over his words before Donnie jumped in. “I think he’s right Raph. Mikey may not be the smartest turtle in the world, but if there’s one thing he does have extensive knowledge about, it’s feelings.” Two against one, Raph examined their pleading expressions before giving in with a heavy sigh. 

“Alright. Go do what you need to do, Mikey.” The orange-clad brother saluted before making his way over to Leo’s room, gently moving aside the curtain and vanishing behind it. That left Raph and Donnie alone in the room. A small hand set itself on one of Raph’s large biceps comfortingly as the younger softshell gently began to lead him over to one of the couches. The snapping turtle fell onto the worn couch with a heavy sigh, a million worries and concerns running through his head. 

“Raph…”

He spared a glance at Donnie who was lowering himself next to him and was peering anxiously. Raph knew that Donnie of all people was probably the last person you would want to go for advice or comfort, though he knew the softshell just had a slight issue with expressing sympathy for others. It was the thought that counted. “I’m okay, Don. I just...I really screwed up this time, didn’t I?” Raph chuckled with no humor as he righted himself up so he was sitting properly. Donnie hummed briefly, closing his eyes as he gathered his thoughts. “While some of it might be your fault, it is my belief that there’s something Leo isn’t telling us,” he finally answered causing the red-banded turtle to furrow his brows in confusion. “What makes you say that?” Something Leo wasn’t telling them? Sure, they all had their secrets but if it was something critical, there was no point in holding it in.

“Tell me, dear brother of mine,” Donnie rubbed a finger against his chin thoughtfully, “Has Leo ever lost his cool like that? Any time you can recall?” Raph stretched his memory back, trying to remember if his younger brother had exploded like that before, though he drew a blank. “Now that I think about it...no.” It stumped him. All his memories of Leo were filled with cocky overconfident smirks and narcissistic speeches about himself. Unnaturally so. “What do you think’s happening?” His guilt was overcome by his big brother instincts, the concern beginning to line his features instead. If there was anything he could do to help Leo, no matter how annoying the red-eared slider could be, he would do whatever he could. Donnie opened his eyes, now looking at Raph seriously. “I have a few theories.”

~   


Mikey kept his eyes on Leo.

They had crawled out from beneath his desk, now opting to sit down on his floor cross-legged and facing each other. “Follow me,” the box shell instructed. While Leo nodded hesitantly, Mikey felt an odd nagging feeling in his chest as a result of ordering around his older brother. He slowly inhaled, his chest puffing out as he did so, and held it waiting for the slider to follow suit. Once Leon caught up, he slowly let it out through his mouth. They repeated it, Mikey peeking at his brother’s trying expression. He hadn’t been able to get much out of Leo when they were underneath the desk. Just that he was scared and confused by his sudden impulse and actions. All Mikey could do was assure him that everything was going to be okay and that he was there for him.

They kept cycling through the breathing exercise until Mikey could visibly see that his brother had relaxed since they started, and he gave a slight smile. “Feeling better?” he asked, a hint of hope blinking to life in his chest as Leo thought about it then nodded. “Yeah…” A heavy sigh paired with downcast eyes. “Sorry you had to see all that, Miguel.” Mikey shook his head, reaching forward, placing a hand on his brother’s forearm, and squeezed it reassuringly. “It’s alright, Leo,” he gave him another heartfelt smile. “Like I said, I’m always going to be here for you. That’s what brothers are for.” Leo gave a ghost of a smile before managing to say softly, “You sure about that? I always thought brothers were for annoying the crap outta each other.” Mikey chuckled, getting up and extending a hand towards the blue masked turtle. 

“Ready?”

It seemed that Leo slightly cringed before taking the offer, getting up on his own feet. Mikey patted his shoulder and gave him the brightest smile he could. “You can do it, Leo. I’ll be right there,” he reassured. Leo nodded slightly, taking another deep breath before stepping toward the doorway of his room. Grasping the cloth tightly, he steeled himself then pushed it aside.

~

Upon hearing footsteps, Donnie halted his hushed theorizing to Raph and looked up.

Mikey stood behind Leo wearing a hopeful smile as the other frowned and kept his eyes to the ground in shame. Donnie noticed how the slider seemed to shrink into himself as he avoided eye contact. Raph sighed, finally speaking up. “Leo, I’m sorry.” This prompted said turtle to finally meet his gaze. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he mumbled, “You didn’t throw a mug at my head.” Raph’s expression fell, and Donnie bit the inside of his cheek nervously. He had no clue what Mikey had told Leo when they were alone and frankly, was antsy of what he did. What he said before still stood. The young artist was always in tune with his emotions in a way Donnie doubted anybody else in the family did. While that gave him hope that his baby brother wasn’t a complete dum-dum, it also worried him since he himself didn’t completely understand it.

Donnie was a man of science and that included the neurological aspects. The brain. However, just because he had an understanding of it didn't mean he was good at putting that knowledge to use. He knew that. “Still,” Raph insisted, getting up slowly and reaching a hand out towards Leo, “I shouldn’t have pressured you so much. There must be a reason why you haven’t been wanting to come on missions. Isn’t there?” Donnie watched Leo carefully, peering at him, and waiting for any flinching or hesitation. 

“Yeah…”

The three of them perked up as the blue boy lifted his head and offered them a tired smile. “I’ve been working on my portal stuff. Won’t get better with that ōdachi of mine just lying around, huh?” Donnie’s thoughts stopped in its tracks. Working on his portal skills? That contradicted all the theories he had concocted in that brain of his. He was so sure...and yet, he could see the exhaustion lining his brother’s features. Had he been wrong? Unless...Leo was lying to throw them off his scent, but why in the world would he do that? Donnie thought bittersweetly of his precious tech waiting to be upgraded. He’d have to push it back to make room for some time for research.

His tech was important, but his brothers took priority.

“Really?” Raph’s concern gave way to a hopeful grin, the pride seeping through. Wouldn’t any big brother, to be fair? “Really,” Leo confirmed with a nod, his shoulders slowly settling and taking on a relaxed stance. At least he wasn’t so tense, Donie supposed. “Does that mean...You’ll be able to go with us tonight?” the snapping turtle’s tone had taken a hopeful turn. Leo’s eyes flicked back and worth looking at his older brother’s face before nodding. 

“Yeah. I will.”

~

“I’m gonna go take a nap,” Leo stated, stretching after they had finished cleaning up the kitchen. Thankfully Donnie took care of the broken dishware with ease, giving Leo a pointed glance as he did so. Right...He would definitely find it suspicious that Leo had managed to break two cups so soon next to each other. “Alright, brother,” Raph conceded, his mood greatly improved since they made up. Leo didn’t want to rain on his parade, smiling brightly before taking his exit. 

_ They bought it.  _ The feeling felt disgusting, wriggling and writhing in his stomach.

_ You lied. _

I had to.

_ What if they just wanted to help? _

I won’t be a burden.

_ And if they find out? _

...They won’t.

Argument after argument bounced around in his head as he sat on the edge of his bed, quietly mulling over his actions, trying to convince himself what he was doing was for the best. If they didn’t find out, they wouldn’t worry. He pictured Raph’s grin in his mind, bright and happy. He wouldn’t have done that if Leo told the truth. At that moment, he resolved that he’d protect his brothers from whatever was going on with him. The biggest threat was Donnie, whose watchful eyes would be looking for any sign to exploit him. Adding to that, the softshell was also the one who knew him the most. Mikey was attentive but at the same time could get distracted easily. And Raph? He was probably easiest to slip past. After all, he could only worry about what he knew.

He lifted his chin to see the full-body mirror tucked away in the corner of his room. Getting up silently, he stood in front of the glass. He saw himself, the same as he ever was. “I’m the best,” he whispered, practiced words that felt like venom rolling off the tongue. Words that he believed in once upon a time. “I can do this.”  _ No, you can’t.  _ “Nobody can compare to me.”  _ Who are you?  _ “I’m awesome.”  _ You are Draxum’s failed experiment.  _ Leo stepped back, blinking away the fight warring in his head. That’s all where it was. All in his head. He took a deep breath, held it, and let it out just as Mikey taught him. He’d conquer whatever this was on his own.

His life.

His problem.

His job.

With that in mind, Leo caught sight of a flash in the mirror.  _ His ōdachi.  _ Reaching out for it, he tested the weight in his palm and tightened his grip on it. He had a goal and he would achieve it somehow. Maybe...He looked at his reflection once more, arranging his facial features from the gloomy expression into a believable neutral smirk. It settled comfortably and suddenly he looked like he did before this whole mess started. 

Perhaps being the faceman had its perks.

New York City flashed by in a beautiful merge of colors. Leo kept up with his brothers easily as they weaved through the inner workings of their beloved home city. He breathed in the fresh air, a drug since he’d been cooped up inside the lair for so long. For once, Leo didn’t have to pretend like he anticipated he would have to. He could genuinely enjoy just being outside, and that felt nice. “Alright, boys,” Raph began, swinging himself up onto a rooftop and waiting for the rest to fall in. “We got a mutant pig just asking for a beat down. Let’s go teach him a lesson, yeah?” Beating up bad guys. That should be simple enough, right? “Meat Sweats won’t even know what hit him,” Leo smirked, barking out a laugh at the instantaneous hype that ensued. They collectively jumped off the roof together. 

The food van sat in the middle of a dark alleyway, cracked open and cloaked in the shadows created by the tall walls. Despite the unsettling atmosphere, a delicious scent of some meat cooking filled the area around the vehicle as the mutant pig worked his kitchen magic. Mikey cocked a head, craning his head up and sniffing at the scent. His eyes widened before leaning in to confirm his suspicion. "Is that...pork chops?" He cringed, " _ That is messed up. _ " Leo snickered at his younger brother. "Out of all the things you've seen this guy do, cannibalism is what gets you the most?" "Shush, guys!" Raph hissed, watching as Meat Sweats turned to one of the many cages loaded in the cooking area. Small creatures of all types that hailed from the Hidden City wriggled within their confines, hissing as the large shadow of their captor loomed above them. His eyes glinted greedily as his hand hung in midair, making his decision. 

Eventually he selected a snake-like mutant which had a head on both ends. The two heads began shrieking madly as he snatched them up, trying to bite through his metal glove. Their efforts were fruitless however as he tossed them easily onto the cutting board and picked up his cleaver. A malicious grin stretched across his face, raising the utensil to deliver the first fatal blow. 

"COWABUNGA!" 

The cleaver flew out of Meat Sweats's hand, the weight returning back to Mikey. Leo let out a small sigh, tightening his grip on the ōdachi. Here's to hoping he wouldn't royally screw up again. "Blimey, you pesky turtles again?" He muttered more to himself than the boys, reaching back and retrieving his cleaver from where it stuck into the wall. "Change of plans then," he grinned, "I'll be having turtle soup for me dinner tonight." 

They moved simultaneously. Mikey jumped up to wrap up the mutant pig. However, Meat Sweats moved just in time to avoid it, turning swiftly to block Donnie's incoming jab with his tech bo. "Leo, portal me over to his other side so he won't see me coming," Raph instructed, punching his fists together and sparking up his tonfas. Leo gulped, holding up his weapon and breathing in deeply. He slices downward, but…

Nothing happened. 

"Come on!" He grunted as Raph tossed him a dirty look. "I thought you said you were working on that!" "I was!" Leo insisted, dodging the incoming slam from a giant silver meat tenderizer. Dread built up in his stomach as he watched Mikey and Donnie work to buy him time and Raph give up on him completely, choosing to join in the fray directly instead. Leo knew he wasn't going to be able to pull through. "I…" his words faded as Meat Sweats's gaze focused on the now immobile turtle. Seeing him as an easy target, the giant mutant shook off his metal glove, the tentacles wriggling free and beginning to make way towards Leo. Snapped out of his internal stupor, he steeled himself and slashed at the power-seeking tendrils. A harsh squeal rang out as Meat Sweats barely dodged the deadly blade, his moment of weakness taken advantage of as Raph dove in.

He took the blow hard, launching from the van and into the nearby wall with a sickening crack. "We got him, boys! Let's move!" The leader shouted, launching onto the nearby fire escape to access the roof. Leo silently followed, preparing himself for the tongue lashing. He was not relieved to find out he was right, Raph's gaze already unhappy and waiting impatiently for an explanation. "What was that?!" The red-eared slider sighed.  _ Just like you practiced.  _ A smile masked over his internal fear, mischievous and easy-going. "Relax, Raph. It was just the heat of the moment," he shifted his stance, balancing the tip of his blade on the roof and leaning casually on the hilt. "The pressure was on full blast and what can I say? I got nervous." 

"There's no room for that, Leo!" Raph snapped, motioning towards Donnie and Mikey aggressively. "Do you want  _ them  _ to take the fall because you just got  _ nervous _ ?" Guilt made his limbs weak. He wanted to crumble down on the roof and cry. "Sorry, guys. I'll do better next time." The snapping turtle only scoffed in disbelief before sighing and taking a deep breath. "We'll work on it tomorrow, okay? Let's just go home for now." Raph frowned, clearly upset but also apologetic for losing his temper. He turned and began heading back to the lair. A small hand rested on Leo's shoulder. He looked down to find Mikey frowning up at him. "It's alright," Leo shook his head dismissively as if he could just make the pain evaporate. "Are you sure? I could-" the box turtle was cut off by his older brother. "I said it's fine, Mikey." His gaze flickered over to Donnie, catching the softshell staring blankly. 

"Donnie?" Leo called out, snapping his brother's trance. "Wha? Ah...sorry. Let's get back home." With a nod, they all chased after Raph, Leo now moving slower than he was when he began the disastrous night out. 

_ Failure. _

_ Nothing. _

_ Shame. _

_ Nuisance. _

_ A waste of space. _

_ A waste of time. _

_ A waste of an experiment. _

Leo threw his ōdachi onto the ground in frustration, staring at it accusingly. He was angry and confused, the negativity swirling like a hurricane through his head and making his ache. "Why won't you work with me?!" He asked as if he were expecting an answer. "The guys are counting on me," he growled, "and  _ you  _ won't  _ work. _ " He grabbed it blindly, throwing it into the wall as if that would help. The strength he used pierced the blade into the wall, the concrete cracking.  _ Unless it's not the ōdachi that won't work. Maybe it's you.  _ The pain settled in. Leo looked down at his now bleeding hand from where he had grabbed the metal part of the sword. 

_ Foolishly.  _

_ Blindly.  _

Frustration circulating through him, he dug into his desk drawer, tossing the journal onto his desk while looking for spare bandages. With a satisfied 'hmph', he sloppily bandaged his wound while searching for a pen next. He knew he shouldn't be writing with an injured hand, but at this point, what did it matter?

_ June 18th _

_ Today has got to be the worst day of my life. First, I lost my cool and threw my cup at Raph and now I screwed up on patrol. Patrol! The easiest thing on earth! What happened to me? Why can't I just be normal again? Why won't this dumb thing work with me already? Am I the problem? Am I wired wrong? Am I just a failed experiment?  _

_ I'm going to ask Donnie to properly bandage me. The last thing I need is something stupid like an infection.  _

_ Leonardo  _


	4. Little Boy Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie has his suspicions as Leo cracks under the pressure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long to post! I was very busy and schools started. ;;

Donnie’s hand reached out, feeling around for his cup of coffee. Successfully nabbing it, he raised it to his lips and sipped. The aroma of the rich Columbian coffee overdosed with espresso shots and a slight hint of cream filled his senses as he breathed in deeply. Returning to his computer, his eyes flickered over information he had viewed who knows how many times at this point. Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his snout in frustration and sighed. Leaning back in his chair, he took in the familiarity of his lab. The comforting shade of purple glowed from every one of his brilliant creations, things made from his hands alone. So much he could accomplish in so little time. So why was this stumping him? Leo was showing symptoms, but Donnie just couldn’t put his finger on it.

Honestly? His best guess was depression.

But, that didn’t make any sense. If there was anything Donnie knew about his twin, it was that Leo was self-absorbed and desperate to prove that he was capable of anything. Going into that minotaur maze, insisting he could pull off a ridiculously advanced skateboard move, just in general always always always _trying._ Donnie supposed it was like his need for verbal approval from parental figures, but even when Leo received his praise, he’d strive for more. On one hand, he had greatly improved because of it, but on the other...It wasn’t so well when he would drive himself into the ground. Words were never enough for the red-eared slider. He wanted results.

“Hey, Dee?”

Donnie’s eyes widened upon hearing the recipient of the voice. He quickly switched to another tab on hydraulic functions before swiveling his chair to face his brother. “Well if it isn’t Leo-” his eyes trailed downward, _“What did you do to your hand?”_ His voice shot up uncontrollably as Leo sheepishly smiled while clutching his bleeding hand. Least the fool had enough common sense to take off his glove and bandage it to put some pressure on the wound. Donnie stood, hastily making his way over to his brother and holding out his hands. For once, Leo complied and set his injured hand in his brother’s waiting grasp. “This isn’t your normal injury,” Donnie muttered, moving away to get his medical supplies. “Not exactly,” Leon humored him, causing the softshell to scoff.

Returning with his medkit, Donnie found Leo already patiently waiting on the table. “You’re lucky your glove reduced the severity of the cut,” he mentioned, pulling out the bottle of antiseptic ointment, some cotton balls, and a roll of bandages. “I guess so,” was the reply he received. Soaking one of the cotton balls in the antiseptic, he watched as his brother slightly cringed at the sight. Leo _despised_ the ointment for the harsh burning sting that came along with it. Regardless, that hadn’t stopped him from doing reckless things and having Donnie patch him up afterward. 

“How’d you do it anyway?” the softshell inquired as he pressed the cotton to Leo’s wounded flesh. The slider jerked, hand jolting as the pain began to settle in. Nonetheless, Donnie held firm and continued to dab at the wound with careful and practiced precision. “I accidentally cut it on the ōdachi,” Leo answered through his teeth, his other hand balling up tightly on his lap to cope with the stinging. Donnie paused. Something felt...off about the way he had phrased it. It was either that or the purple banded turtle was overanalyzing again. He shook his head slightly, returning to his task. "What am I going to do with you?" He murmured, finishing and reaching for the bandages.

"Promise me you'll be more careful, Nardo," Donnie demanded as he swiftly wrapped Leo's hand. However, he was only met with a pause of silence, a smile, and a wave. "Thanks for all your help, Donnie. Night." The blue brother left him all on his own, their interaction only sparking more questions than answers that swirled in his head. "The ōdachi" he had said, rather than "my ōdachi". Leo had been rather possessive of it the day he called dibs on the sword. All of them had when they received their mystic weapons. So why was he acting like he wanted nothing to do with it? Donnie stared at the doorway where his sibling had slipped away, something else hanging in the back of his mind. Something that he knew wasn't as important as the situation at hand and was frankly immature. Yet…

_"Leo!" Donnie rushed towards the turtle lying at the bottom of the skate ramp, struggling to pick himself up. Hearing his name, the red-eared slider looked up and grinned widely. “Hey, Don!” he enthusiastically shouted back, finally succeeding in picking himself back up, glazing around his feet for his skateboard. “You’re covered in scrapes,” the softshell fretted and his brother scoffed. “It’s fine, Dee. A minor injury won’t kill me.” Donnie couldn’t help but worry. “Let me patch you up in my lab,” he insisted, grabbing Leo by the arm and beginning to walk. It didn’t take long for Leo to stop resisting._

_“Your medicine hurts,” the slider mumbled, observing the band-aids dotting his arms and legs. The antiseptic burned and Leo got the faint sense of what it was like when Mikey had touched the stove. “It’ll help you feel better faster,” Donnie briefly explained, packing away his supplies before sighing. “Just...promise me you’ll be more careful, Nardo.” In response, the blue-banded turtle held up his pinky finger, a childish glint fogging his eyes. “I promise.”_

_Donnie smiled, linking his own pinky with Leo’s._

“Dum-dum,” he mumbled under his breath, returning to his chair and clicking off the page for hydraulics and back onto the site he had previously been viewing. 

_Symptoms for Dysthymia._

“You didn’t promise.”

~

The pain had faded, so that was good. Leo was lost in thought as he made his way back to his room. Maybe he’d read some of his comic books. Despite how much he read through each one of them, they ever ceased to capture him in some other world. He would try out chapter books, though the words would blur together into something bland and boring. He needed pictures. Visuals. “Hey, Leo. Got a minute?” He glanced up to find Raph setting down one of his weights and patting the spot next to him on the bench. The slider swallowed but went to take a seat next to his eldest brother anyway. “I just wanted to apologize...again. I know you’re still learning how to handle your mystic power,” the red masked turtle eye ridges pulled together in a concerned expression. A pit formed in Leo’s stomach, a dark feeling of guilt gnawing away for some reason unknown to him. _He should not have to apologize. Do not make the same mistakes again._ “It’s alright, Raph,” Leo mustered up a smile until it rested on his features, “I know you’re on edge, bud. Don’t let me distract you from what’s important.”

A heavy hand rested on Leo’s shoulder. “I want to work on those skills of yours tomorrow. I know you don’t like training, but I think we can help you along if ya got someone helping. You feel me?” _You’re lagging and dragging this team down. Maybe if you had someone to hold your hand like a dumb child, then we could make some progress._ “I feel you. I’m down.” Raph patted his younger brother’s shoulder goodnaturedly. “We got a plan then. Rest easy tonight, brother.” “I will, Raph.”

He was not sleeping easy.

_The tune was soothing and melodious, sung softly in a whisper like riding on the wind whistling through his ears._

_“Little boy blue lost all alone._

_Fallen king from an imaginary throne._

_He tried to tell his brothers, sign after sign,_

_But he soon found out that he had run out of time."_

_Leo looked around swiftly, trying to clear his head of the song that surrounded him. It ensnared him, locking him into place like a heavy blanket on a cold winter’s day. “Who’s there?” he called out, his voice bouncing and echoing across the dark canvas of sky. As his eyes squinted, he could make out silhouettes of trees seemingly growing out of the dark abyss of the ground against a background of stars._

_“Why do you run, child?_

_Why do you flee?_

_Run away with a smile_

_From the paradise I’ve made just for you and me.”_

_It had a motherly undertone to it. A longing ache hiding behind the words. Leo still couldn’t place it. He’d never heard this oddball lullaby before, and yet...It felt so warm and comforting. At the same time, it was unsettling. Something in the back of his mind was telling him to run. Run far away and never look back._

_“Come back, love safe and sound_

_Pray they don’t find you where you’ll never be found_

_In the darkest pits with the most difficult climb_

_The prison I speak of is called your mind.”_

_The trees twisted and turned, forming hulking shadows that loomed over Leo. If he squinted, he swore he could see two dark eyes blinking at him. “Why are you afraid, child?” it called out, their voice surrounding him all at once then dissipating. “Who are you?!” he asked, trying to move. Trying to escape the voice that had trapped him like a siren’s song._

_“I am you.”_

_He struggled even more now with the answer. “You don’t even sound like me,” Leo objected stubbornly with a huff. “Really?” The creature cocked it’s form as if it had a head, “Tell me. Does this sound familiar?”_

_All at once, a wave of pain rammed his head, the headache the worse he'd ever had in his whole life. Amidst the pounding like a hammer trying to break out of his skull, words began to be shrieked about him, only worsening his predicament._

_FAILURE!_

_DEFECT!_

_DISAPPOINTMENT!_

_RECKLESS!_

_ATTENTION HOG!_

_BURDEN!_

_WASTE!_

_NOBODY LOVES YOU!_

_"Make...it stop."_

_"Only you can, Leonardo."_

_The pounding in his head worsened as his body jolted._

_Leo…_

_Leo...Leo..Leo.LeoLeoLeoLeoLeoLeoLeoLeoLeoLeoLeoLeo-_

"LEO, WAKE UP!"

When he shot up, his head thumped into another's with an audible thunk. Groaning, he blinked open his eyes to find Donnie holding his head in pain, but nonetheless staring at his brother in worry. "What are you doing in my room?" Leo mumbled, disturbed by the rude awakening. "You didn't come down for breakfast and we were getting worried," Donnie answered with a scoff. "Get ready. Raph's eager to start training with you." The purple banded turtle lifted himself up and made his exit, swishing the blue curtain behind him dramatically. Leo sighed, falling back against his pillows. He was _so_ not ready for today.

"Alright, Leo. Let's see where you're at."

Leo held his ōdachi steady in his grasp. "You know training's not exactly my strong suit, big guy. You're gonna have to guide me," he explained evenly. Raph nodded once, eyes rolling up as he thought. "Let's start with something simple. Make a portal to the other side of the room." Anxiety rippled through his muscles, the confidence fading quickly with every passing second. He swallowed but nodded anyway. "Alright, work with me, please," he whispered. He envisioned it just about...over there. He imagined the ripple of mystic power vibrating from the hilt as it successfully worked. Taking a deep breath, he cut through the air, crackles sparking as it tried to form itself.

Nothing.

The magic faded away into the air. Defeat crushed Leo's heart as he almost gave up right then and there. It was just to the other side of the room for crying out loud! He groaned then almost toppled over at the sudden weight that landed on his shoulder. "Don't sweat it, brother. Let's try it again," Raph encouraged, patting his shoulder twice before stepping back again. "I don't get it. How do _you_ do it?" Leo mumbled just loud enough for Raph to hear as he readied himself again. "I'm not exactly sure," Raph shrugged, "I just act without thinking too much about it, you know?"

_Yeah, well not all of us can do that._

"Oh." Leo tried to clear his mind then. No worrying about it, he had said. Once he focused on the task at hand, he sliced downward. A small portal crackled to life, only big enough to fit his hand into. The twin doorway opened up a few feet away, nowhere near the other side of the room. Leo felt his heart drop to his stomach. "It's a start," Raph amended. "Let's go again."

To Donnie's lab.

The ceiling.

The top of the Empire State Building.

Rome.

London.

Tokyo.

Mikey's room.

Leo dropped his sword, failure finally weighing him down. "I can't do it," he gasped out, "I'm a failure." He shuddered, building up a dam to keep those pesky tears in line. Saying it out loud was like giving up. He had been forced to fight for so long. He just wanted it to all go away. "No you're not, Leo-" 

How could he think that? Raph _witnessed_ him screwing up over and over, and he had the _audacity._ Something inside him snapped, that barrier of kindness crumbling to allow the anger flood through. A volcano erupting.

_"Would you shut up already?!"_

Raph backed off, confusion and hurt swirling in his eyes all at once. "Leo.." 

"I'm sick and tired of being _nothing._ "

_That's it._

"I'm done with you babying me."

_Show them who you really are._

"I'm done being a part of this team."

_A monster._

"AND I'M DONE BEING A PART OF THIS FAMILY!"

The adrenaline faded, leaving the turtle high and dry to realize what he had done in his blind rage. "Leo?" _No._ Mikey and Donnie peaked hesitantly around the mouth of the doorway to the training area, worried lining their faces. He couldn't take it. 

_Everyone's eyes are on you. Isn't this what you've always wanted?_

He picked up his ōdachi and ran. The voices of his pleading brothers faded behind the swirl of emotions making a hurricane his head. He had screwed up. Big time. When he reached his room, his hands desperately grabbed at whatever was in his reach. His journal, his wallet, a picture, small snacks he had snatched from the kitchen. He shoved it all into the pouch strapped to his waist. Was he really going to do this? He was being suffocated just by staying here, and he certainly wasn't helping any. "Leo?!"

_Hurry up already!_

Leo slid his weapon from the strap on his back, and sliced down without thinking. The portal crackled to life and he lunged for it. "No!" Something yanked at his mask tails. In his hurry to flee, he slipped it up and over his head. The restriction disappeared and he was free. The portal behind him closed, leaving him alone in the blue and white tunnel with only one way to go. He sighed, glancing at where the door to his home used to be. He had lost his mask in the process, something he held so dear to him since day one. Done being a part of the family he had said. 

The fear followed by anxiety caused him to choke back a sob. He was alone. Just as he was always doomed to be. His feet drug as he made his way to the other end of the portal. 

He stepped out, feeling the hard dirt beneath his feet. Blinking back tears, his vision cleared and he realized where he was. His stomach jumped into his throat as he viewed bird creatures soar through the air with figures atop them. Mutant-like yokai walked on the main pathway just outside the alley he had appeared in, voices overlapping each other as they made their way about their daily routine. Leo knew where he was and he wasn't happy about it.

He had portaled to the Hidden City.

~

Silence hung in the air as the three brothers stood in the now empty room. A strip of blue fabric fluttered to the ground as it fell out of Mikey's hands. Their brother was gone, and because of his portal abilities, he could be anywhere in the world. 

Leonardo was gone.


	5. My Name?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo in the Hidden City alone. What crimes will he commit?

Leo was lost amid the cacophony of noises, sights, and smells. His eyes wandered around, taking in the vibrant visuals set out before him. Nobody batted an eye at him here, rather an ordinary look in the Hidden City. He shuddered as a rush of wind whipped through the air. It whistled in his ears softly as he came to realize the residents were wearing light articles of clothing to keep them warm. It may have been summer on the surface, but here…

He had no idea how he was going to get out. Yes, he'd been shown gateways before, but only to get _inside_ the underground utopia _._ To get out, he would need some sort of tool that he definitely didn't have at the moment. Portaling was no option until he could master the skill since the possibility of only elevating the severity of the situation was dangerously high. Leo supposed the next best thing he could do was blend in and look for his exit. Navigating through the streets, he found a booth selling thick cloth cloaks that seemed to be straight out of a historical documentary. "What can I do ya fer, kid?" The frog yokai's one eye focused on Leo while the other one, a glass fake, lazily rolled in its socket. The unnatural nature of it made him uncomfortable. He made his choice. "That one." He pointed at a dark blue one, a shade that resembled the color of the sky before it altered into the black canvas of stars. "10 bucks." Lucky that the yokai updated their money system as the years went by, otherwise he would be totally screwed. Leo dug into his pouch and fished out a ten-dollar bill from his wallet, forfeiting it to the salesman. The article of clothing was slid towards him on the counter. "Pleasure doing business," he mumbled, taking it and walking away.

Raph always had his rules in the Hidden City. Annoying when he would remind his brothers constantly with his big brother worry, but Leo could understand the weight of them now that he was alone. One of those rules was _never_ to start trouble. Yokai had unfathomable powers they were born and had years of experience with. Meanwhile, the boys only had theirs for a few months or so, and even then, they needed their weapons to even wield it. Leo slid on the cloak, the thick material settling over him, and dutifully began warming him. Ah...much better. He drew up the hood and kept his eyes down before continuing onward. A few citizens would catch his eye every now and then, some seemingly not even fully animal. Donnie's voice echoed in his head.

_"Technically speaking, humans are animals too."_

That made sense as to why there was yokai that seemed to almost be nearly human. Though it shouldn't have surprised him, he felt a flicker of something in his chest as he saw other turtles around. Some even held weapons that he couldn't quite place the name of. A group sauntered by conversing between themselves, but Leo couldn't quite understand them over the other noises. One carried what looked like a spiked bat sort of resembled Raph, though the color scheme seemed slightly off. Perhaps they were the same species? He found himself pondering over the same question as he looked at the next one, small like Mikey and similarly built. A fellow box turtle most likely. This one carried a small sword, though if he squinted, it seemed as if the weapon pulsed with power. Sparks of what he guessed were mystic power occasionally jumped up, though the turtle didn't seem to be bothered by it. The last one, he had no idea about. It was a species he'd never seen, but they were sort of a mix of Donnie and Leo's body type. They carried two weapons that looked like scythes. 

Tearing his eyes away from the group, he spotted another a little ways off. This one didn’t seem to be fully turtle, a long tail flicking back and forth as they viewed a stall’s wares, He glanced up at the strange symbol that had dotted their forehead before looking away. He noted a few yokai looked like humans with their animal parts attached. Like in the...ah what were those shows that Donnie watched? Anime? Leo vaguely recalled walking in on his twin watching something with cat people or the like. Apparently, he was just watching a "yokai documentary he found" before shooing out the red-eared slider. He wasn't quite sure he believed his brother, but Donnie was Donnie and wouldn't tell a soul about his non-science interests to even save his life. 

Anywho, this category seemed to sport a rather diverse group, neither entirely animal nor entirely human. Makes sense that they'd make a home in the Hidden City better than on the surface. One carried panda ears, another was some sort of creature Leo couldn't identify but had the color scheme of Mayhem, and another he couldn’t identify but was walking from the gates of a place with the name “Witch Town” strung over the archway. 

He was afraid. 

He’d only ever been in the Hidden City with his brothers and they were always careful to stay cautious and together during those times.

The truth of it all finally settled in. 

He was really alone...because he screwed up in an unfixable way. His breathing quickened as a sharp pain stabbed his chest. Would his brothers even consider looking for him? He’d been dead weight ever since this whole situation began, so it’d only be more trouble just to and try to find him again. He stumbled, catching himself before he hit the ground. His head swam as the thoughts began scattering in his head like a frenzy of school fish in a bowl. His vision blurred with tears yet to be shed as he gasped for air. The citizens blocking his way cried out in confusion and anger as he shoved them forcefully out of the way, just shapes made into obstacles. He stumbled again, this time nearly going to his knees. He paused to wipe his wet eyes, not watching where he was going as he slammed into somebody. As a cry rang out as the person went down, another small voice called “M’ma!” Leo hurried to compose himself, ashamed he lost his cool. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I just-”

Leo's eyes widened when he caught sight of the small skeleton child hurrying to help presumably his mother. His brain briefly forgot about the woman hurrying to collect her things and spewing out strings of apologies as a memory resurfaced, nearly forgotten as it was only a way to get help to find his brothers.

_"Listen here, bone-man," he sneered, leaning on the briefcase that had just shattered the newly painted model ship. His eyes quickly flicked around the small office area, trying to find a valid excuse. Bingo. "My brothers and I buy enough pizza to get Hueso Jr. through bone college." He motioned towards a framed picture on the wall, depicting a happy Señor Hueso with presumably a child gleefully sat upon his shoulders. He never gave it much thought before, but he was really pulling at any straws to get Hueso to help him. The argument had been improv, but it had worked._

"...Hueso Jr.?"

The woman paused her rambling, looking up to stare at Leo in confusion and wonder. "You know my _marido_?" 

Marido?

Husband?

Oh.

_Oh._

Leo blew out a puff of air. Well, this complicated things quite a bit. He wasn’t expecting to run into somebody he’d know, even if just vaguely. “Uh...I guess you can say that. I’ve talked to him around Run of the Mill.” The woman’s eye sockets widened as she scrambled to her feet, having difficulty around the skirt that reached the ground, “Please, I must know more,” she pleaded, picking up her bags and taking her child by the hand. “Hueso never speaks of those he’s close with. What’s your name?” 

He opened his mouth, an instinct before he thought better of it and closed it. It would be better if she didn’t know. He should just give a name that was vague enough. A name Hueso wouldn’t know the significance of if he heard it. He finally answered.

“Leon. My name is Leon.”

~

“He...Where did he go?” Mikey’s voice was small, not even paying attention to the token that had slipped from his fingers. “I don’t know,” Donnie, for once, didn’t have an answer. Could he have prevented this from happening if he had simply asked? “Is this because of what you told me, Donnie?” Raph asked, catching Mikey’s attention. “Told you?” his mask furrowed, “What did you tell him?” Don sighed heavily, looking to the ground and avoiding eye contact with his remaining younger brother. “I theorized that he had a form of depression. But-” _“Depression?!”_ he looked up to meet the box shell’s horrified expression. “You thought there was a possibility that our _brother_ had _depression_ ?” Mikey demanded, the shock fading away to anger, “And you didn’t bother to tell me?” Shame rose in Donnie. “Michael, I-” “I don’t want to hear it,” he snapped, leaning down and snatching up Leo’s mask from the floor. As he passed by Donnie and shoved it at his chest. “You better find a way to fix this, _genius_.” Mikey disappeared out of the room.

Donnie understood why Mikey was angry. When they were young, Leo had always been there for Mikey, the youngest sibling being the only little brother he had. It was only logical that he was extremely agitated right now. Donnie glanced at the mask in his hands, a strip of blue fabric with two eye holes and still tightly tied the way he taught Leo to do stared back up at him. His grip tightened. His eyes found Raph’s who was staring at the mask in silence. “We’re going to find our brother.”

The night was hot, sweat beading on Donnie’s forehead as his eyes swept over the streets of New York. Using his tech to try and find Leo proved impossible as he had dropped his phone in his room in his rush to leave. Just thinking about his absence made Donnie’s heart squeeze. If he shut his eyes and focused hard enough…

_“Relax, Don-Tron! It’ll work out. With that big brain of yours, I know it will!”_

He inhaled sharply, chasing away the voice in his head before it could mess him up any more. He glanced back down towards the city below. The road wasn’t that full tonight. There was what seemed to be two twins walking from Antonio’s Pizza, sporting the same black hair and similar proportions while another was observing the sights of the city. This one rocked a pink centered outfit that complimented her skin tone quite well. He shook his head again. Now was not the time to be getting distracted by fashion! Donnie frowned, leaping off the building and letting his battle shell rocket up into the night sky. His gaze found the crescent moon. A “Cheshire’s Grin” Leo always called it because he could never memorize the actual names of the moon phases. 

“Where are you, Leo?” he murmured as if the wind could carry his inquiry to wherever in the world his blue brother was residing.

~ 

“Leon?” the woman offered a kind smile. “My name is Rosa and this here is my and Hueso’s son, Miguel.” The name was a punch to Leo’s throat, though he managed a polite smile to the toddler who shyly waved as he clutched his mother’s skirt. Now it’d just be awkward when he’d inevitably slip up and call Mikey by that name. That is...if he ever got the chance to. His face must have fallen since Rosa frowned. “You look troubled. Why don’t you join us for tea at our home? I’m sure Hueso would love to see a familiar face.” Leo had to smile at the irony, knowing he was the last brother the bone man would ever want to see in his home. But, wouldn’t it be rude to deny her hospitality? He could use a good cup of tea anyhow...the stress was beginning to wear him down at this point. “I’d like that.” “Fantastic,” she enthused cocking her head in the other direction, a giddy grin beginning to stretch across her features, “Follow me. Ever since Hueso’s ban was lifted and he was allowed to come back home, he’s been much more cheerful.”

Hueso and cheerful were two words Leo thought he’d never hear in a sentence together. 

Despite that, he snuggled into his cloak, tugged his hood down more securely, and followed her into the heart of the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Creators whose OCs made a cameo in this chapter! All can be found on Instagram, so please give them a visit!
> 
> hobo.subway
> 
> rubysunn_
> 
> Asejones_37
> 
> vicky.sc.art
> 
> weirdoturtlenerd
> 
> willmarose123
> 
> vollion


	6. Rewrite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I looked back on this and I hate it now :D

Pretty straightforward. I'm gonna be rewriting Facing Consequences because while I've been gone, my writing style has refined. If you will, the Prologue to the new Facing Consequences is now up, which you can find through my profile. It's also started better in my opinion and the storyline has been revised. This Facing Consequences will probably be deleted in a week or so. Happy reading!


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